yet again

i am tired. just tired.

i decided to take a nice shower, since i didn’t have anything else to do, and was feeling pretty bad anyways. was it was warm water running down my face? then how come my eyes were red? how come i had to lean my head against the wall? why was i all dizzy?

i feel so ugly lately. ugly ugly ugly. ugly clothes. ugly skin. ugly hair. ugly attitude. ugly emotions.

i attended the lutheran church with my grandmother today. it’s her 78th birthday. but i don’t feel any better after holy communion today. isn’t that supposed to bring me some sort of peace?

i’ve come to a point, a realization that no one cares. no one is upset that i’m upset. no one cares when i do. everything is upside-down for me. even this journal entry is selfish.


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