i lost it in school yesterday. everything seemed like it was spinning and stopping on me. it felt like 2000+ students were all brushing and touching me. no space. just people tripping over me, and me tripping over little kids. people stepping on me. me stepping on people. every time i went to go in a door, someone would be coming out… and slowly. the lunch line was 50 people long. everything was too loud. i started crying. i was too frustrated to know otherwise. all the stress just sort of came to a halt and blurred up.

since i missed my algebra class at the community college, i had to waste time as if there was a class. matty told me he’d hang out with me. but i knew he had plans with josh and shannon, and asked about that. he said they wanted to see xXx at the movie theatre, and we should go with. bleh, i knew any movie with that awful diesel “fast and furious and wow look i can drive fast cars, crash them, then get the girl” guy would have much things to make fun of. i called after school got out, but he said he was going to drive to melbourne instead, to pick them up. he offered gas money, but the fact is, my van can’t make it to melbourne. it’ll overheat. so i got slushed to the side a little. it sort of sucks how it always seems to come down to girlfriend or his friends. it’s just the situations make it impossible for me to come along or something. nobody lets me know until i’m excited about going somewhere that i can’t go. i’m not as important as i used to be. so, yeah, i made plans with stephanie instead. she said she was going thrifting with kelly, and i was welcome to come.

i did just that. i drove to kelly’s, but no one was home. then i saw two people walking on the side of the rode in 100F weather. it was the ladies, so i picked them up and we went to stephanie’s house. we sat at the kitchen table three hours and talked about everything. we talked about yearbook photos, hair cuts, dumb boys, even obsessive, scary girls we know. what is their motive? the world may never know.

i’m down phasing into regular physics. i just can’t do two college courses and honors physics. it’s my senior year, i’d better be more realistic. hopefully i can get into physics with stephanie. i went to the guidance office, which was crazy as usual. they didn’t have room for me to see a counselor until at least monday. ridiculous.

i hope my new hat comes soon. i want to wear it for our show.

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