mood swings

so much drama in the past few days. drama drama drama. but it seems to be subsiding, and i can see what i have left in the wake. things are looking better, and i am becoming more optimistic. i can see that fabled light at the end of the tunnel, and it gets closer everyday. everyday i smile more, think better thoughts, and just feel better about myself.

me and evan hung out and listened to manu chao (clandestino for all you manu chao fans) and metal opera. i looked like a rock star wannabe. like all those teenybopper girls plaguing our mall.

matt talked to me about splitting up, a nicer way to put it “letting me go” i suppose. when i first started the relationship, he needed me to be there for him. this past year has been the hardest i’ve ever faced. i’ve had to move from my home and lost a best friend and with it my ability to trust others. it may not seem like much, but moving tore me apart. i need someone to love me and spoil me and tell me i’m wonderful. i want to do the same for a boy that loves me. i want someone to love and someone to spoil rotten; at least that’s what i wish for now. i want honest friends. but it tears you down to have your boy, your little world inside your heart, talk about shoving this heart back into your chest.

i have to tell you something amazing, journal. i went to church with my grandmother. the pastor spoke about relationships, how to listen, speak, and understand. i have been trying so hard lately to be a good girlfriend, being optimistic and everything. to listen my best when matt talks and tells me things. it was so strange, that just the night before matt had been very pessimistic with me, and the next day the pastor spoke on something that hit home. i prayed to god. i said “dear god…please help me, you know, with how i feel, if you can. i want things to work out with me and matty. would you help me make friends?” at this point i felt pretty strange, asking god for something so dumb and pointless. “it would, yanno, help me, and help me be nicer to matt’s friends. that’s all, i suppose… and for what it’s worth, thanks.”

within this week, i talked to caitlin, marci, billie, evan, savannah, stephanie, jake, dominic, and even jill. kind of odd, being that i was fighting with billie before, savannah lives in orlando and didn’t really talk to me often, i hadn’t heard anything from marci or caitlin since school got out, i thought dominic didn’t care for me, and jill…well you know what’s going on there. just coincidence? maybe god had a little to do with it?

today me and savannah hung out, and she went to the band practice. it was spectacular! everything went so well, she had come up with some great new lyrics, and we just played so well together. i am sooo excited, she’s back in the frumps! she’s dedicated, responsible, and talented. i’m really excited. another thing to be happy about.

me and savannah looking posed and ready to pounce. or just look good for the frumps website.

savannah did my makeup for me, since she’s in beauty school. it looked so good, i wanted to eat her up.

us trying to be cute and all that.

her eyemakeup she did earlier. it’s the same as mine. purple just doesn’t work, as we found out. it looked like someone had punched me right in both eyes.

we look so happy, and i am. i think i will make a list.

things brenna has to be happy about

  • band is getting back together
  • hair is black
  • she’s renewing old friendships
  • anti-flag brings back so many good memories
  • has a few good friends that want to be closer
  • likes the way she looks
  • learning acoustic guitar
  • made good grades
  • has a boyfriend to love and spoil rotten
  • my BIRTHDAY is soon!

wowies, those are a helluvalot of good things going here. things are on their way up. it’s my turn, finally. at last. and i have the whole summer to go! my parents said they may help buy me a pt cruiser for my graduation present. how rad! i’m excited. i’m saving this summer for some new clothes. feel free to buy me some for my birthday! spoil me rotten…or i’ll… do nothing. heh. i am a little ball of energy. err, i take that back because i have to work tomorrow.

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