Hairstyles at FL360

FITNESS. — Nothing says “GET SWOL” like working out in a gym blasting Natasha Bedingfield “Pocketful of Sunshine.” Yeah, get some! I got a membership to a gym about three blocks from my house. I can’t bring myself to stay at work longer to exercise (not to mention how crowded it is at the base gym all the time with the wives snagging all the cardio machines). So, it’s a smaller gym, but I can work out whenever I want. Nice.

ALERT SHACK, BABY. — The past couple weeks months at work have been nuts on every level. We did a local exercise that required me to stay on base a few days. No eat/pray/love here, just eat/sleep/fly. It was pretty painful. But it’s done and this week I am… going through job certification for two more weeks. Even more painful, being that I was tested on it during the eat/sleep/fly inspection. “Been spendin’ most our lives livin’ in a hamster paradise…” Luckily I come home and veg out on Skyrim. Became bored with my level 68 Nord and began a magicka-based game, Dunmer race.

THANE OF WINTERHOUND. — The new Otto puppy is settling in nicely — he’s been here for the week of autumn we had, and now it’s full swing into winter. We received four to five inches of snow this past week, and the birds are leaving their little hopping tracks in the snow.

THESIS ON AIR FORCE BANGS. — I cut back Bettie bangs and dyed my hair dark again. Feels good, man. I think this is my best look, the way I feel most like me, even before I knew Larry was taking me to Las Vegas Rockabilly Weekend 2013. Sounds trivial, yes, but it’s like finding that sense of style or goal weight. People seem shocked when I cut them — but I’ve only been bang-free (sts) since joining up with the Air Force. & so begins the pontification of the female military bang.

I do banish, however, crunchy early 1990s Captain Bangs. Captain Bangs are actually in transition to Major Bangs, i.e., Air Force women who make the rank of Major tend to be clueless about hairstyling and still curl their bangs with mousse and a curling iron, hence garnering that “crunchy bangs” effect. Now, don’t get me wrong, the extremely badass General Wolfenbarger became the first four-star female General in the Air Force a few months ago, as did her Major Bangs. I will take crunchy Major Bangs if it means I can be half as crazy awesome as she is! But still, the fact remains that her bangs have a field grade, and probably has since the late 1980s/early 1990s. Search your feelings, Air Force women; you know it to be true.

Case Study One: Here we have the aforementioned all-around general badass General Wolfenbarger. Next, we have my Officer Training School flight commander, then a Captain (who has since promoted to Major). Third & fourthly, we have a random conglomeration of Google image searching to further strengthen my point.

… & in other news, SNCOs (senior non-commissioned officers) have the lockdown on cute, indie bangs. Get it, enlisted ladies. I’m behind you 100% with my digital SLR and/or Instagram for iPhone.

Lastly, I happened across this soul-crushing discovery during my search for Major Bangs.

I pondered such life-affirming questions as “How can she be this beautiful and have that manicure AND work on a military airplane? I answered my question quite simply & quickly: she is a Reservist NOT on the B-52H.

There’s a big difference in a female’s looks when you don’t have any real responsibility (ha). She reports for duty barely one weekend a month! Wish I could be a weather lady/get that much lip injection/work some nail art/fly on an aircraft that has a toilet, doesn’t fly 27-hour missions regularly & doesn’t have 53 years of man farts pounded into the ejection seat cushions. NBD.

SHEET SNAGGERS. — In closing, coming this week to a new closet that Larry built me. It’s only fair that I break it in with something new & fabulous.

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