be pretty for me

hearing: paul whiteman – say it with music | mood: tired

i attended a party this weekend. i was invited instead of someone else, so that i would agree to come. katty was there, and chris as well. we talked about our films we want to make. anna and amy are always marvelous. however, during the entire length of the party, a strange, ratty looking boy had a video camera and was filming every minute (much like the boy on “american beauty”). it made me really freaked out. later, the party decided to watch a film of this boy eating his own shit and vomit. then a video of girlies being strung up by their tatas. it made me sick, and i just walked out the door and down the sidewalk, staring at the ground. everything upsets me.

“i want a boy that… i want a boy that…” was swirling in my head and thoughts of how i can never belong in this culture made me dizzy. i wanted to grow up. but i don’t want to grow up. i just want to grab everybody by the shoulders and shake them and scream at them for one reason or another. i’m sensitive. i get hurt easily.

i walked in this daze for a little while, until matt caught up with me. he took me to the car, where we drove to the denny’s parking lot. i got something to eat, but still didn’t make me feel very well, after matt said we didn’t have much in common anymore. i told him later that it’s not true. we still like the same things as three years ago… just more things. we both have taken interests of different sorts. there’s nothing wrong with growing a little.

my name is edith. katty’s is zelda. billie’s is millie. we will be the cat’s meow on film. all hail our cloche hats and garter belts. it’s good to be the queen.

the robins are here again. i stepped outside and it was birds everywhere. they’re here for a week or two, but then they’ll be moving on.

Poseur1039: i just want other girls to get ideas. new ideas. i want them to question the tv commercials with girls prancing around in bikinis. i want them to think about themselves and their morals. i want them to learn about themselves and how they act and to think about self respect.
Coifbuster: but most men are assholes
Poseur1039: it’s not to say females are better, because we’re not, we’re just as human. i’m just tired of the stereotypes and being seen as “the weaker sex” and all that. and a lot of women are gold diggers and encourage these men.
Coifbuster: men do have ONE thing over females tho. we can pee standing up.
Poseur1039: and we get the comfort and luxury of sitting down for a rest. it’s how you look at it.
Coifbuster: i never thought of it that way. i don’t have to give birth.
Poseur1039: i get to grow and bring a new life into this world if i choose to. men will never be able to do that…but they are 50% of it.
Coifbuster: you do think of everything don’t you?

“my life is one big soap opera, and i have one hell of an audience.”

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