useless tears

someone i’ve tried so hard to be friends with again and patch up the mistakes in the past has pretty much decided he hates me and everything about me. i tried to tell him how i felt, but he won’t let some things in the past go. has he hardened his feelings so much that he doesn’t have a scrap of them left?

i don’t understand.

i’ve changed a lot, but in the same ways, he has too. certain shared obsessions that were then are what he considers horrible now. too bad he doesn’t consider judging people by jumping to conclusions horrible. i have an open mind about things, but no one wants to contribute. i think there’s a little group of guys i am thinking of that seem to all hate me for NO REASON. i’ve never done anything to two of them, but they dredge up awful things to say about me. am i awful? is everything that was recently said true? it all makes me cry. but at least i know i’ll feel better afterwards, even though nothing has changed. what else can i do?

i don’t understand.

he has said some wonderful things to me recently, and i thought things were going to be okay and we could start having fun together again. why would you say such nice, kind things to someone you supposedly hate? why would you act like you are interested in friendships or saying things that you wouldn’t say in just a friendship if you hated that person? if you say certain things to someone that were “more than friendship talk”, how could you say them if you thought the person was a bad person?

why?

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