so it goes.

Saturday, I spent most of the day taking my online driving course. To me, it felt like detention or something. I had to wait like, an hour & fifteen minutes between each five-question test. They forced me to sit there. I, however, played the piano for my grandmother for a few hours to pass the time. I am taking her to see the Johann Strauss Orchestra (conducted by Andre Rieu) for her 83rd birthday in April. Her mother used to play waltzes on the piano, so it has a special place for her.

Anyway, yesterday. I got a phone call from Matt at 3 o’clock pm. He hasn’t called me out of the blue in like, a year. I answered, and he sounded awful. He was really, really sad said he needed someone to talk to & if I would meet him at his new house. It sounded very urgent, and I went over there right away.

It was about how he says he has all these so-called friends, but that they don’t actually care about him. He explained that he felt so alone; he woke up that morning just… cold. He said he hasn’t felt this bad in his entire life. I told him I understood what he meant about everyone just being a “user.” The people around this area are famous for it. In fact, I think a lot of the people that never really “take off” share this fine characteristic. But he was right: his friends are pretty much losers & douchebags, save his friend Chris… and me. It looks like he did get that crash course in reality & growing up, at least in relationships/friendships.

He also told me he realizes how much he lost now & when he treated me the way he did last December. I didn’t blog about it here, because I was so unsure if I wanted to remember how I was acting. I called him while I was in North Carolina, cold & alone, every couple nights to hear a friendly voice… he was completely unresponsive, uncaring and rude. I opened up my feelings & would talk for an hour straight about the way I felt and how I still very much cared about him. He brushed me off and refused to talk to me (or even answer my friendly text messages). I guess I can say this helped me get over things much easier, I think, because it showed how callous & terrible he could act. Yesterday, he apologized profusely for this heinous treatment over and over. He says he can’t believe he treated me that way.

So, I listened to him talk about how he was feeling so sad alone. I told him I am here to talk to anytime, because it seems we can talk together and it isn’t that awkward. I also care about the person he is, as true friends do, and would hate to see him upset when he just needs a listening ear. Overall, people in life will let you down, and I know this. It’s happened to me so many times. It’s the circle of friends, the ones who are obsessed with drama and plainly put: themselves. He also told me that none of his friends ever liked me. That would have hurt if they were people who were actually good people, themselves. But they are all losers, alcoholics, mooches, and chauvinists. It ain’t me, baby.

I also urged him (again) to talk to a psychiatrist, in which he accused me of thinking I thought he was “crazy.” I quickly quipped that many, many people speak to professionals, whether it be for good, solid personalized advice from someone who understands their personality, or to just help them sort things out. He needs to see a shrink about his chronic depression and stagnant life choices.

Another point, which I mentioned in my last entry, was that I knew he was a little upset that I’ve been sleeping with other people. Sure enough, he told me he was jealous. He knows it’s silly for him to act that way; he says for him it’s first develop emotional, then physical with someone. I told him I am not looking for emotions, and that should be more comforting to him for the reasons that I don’t want to start another relationship right now. He stated the obvious, that he is trying to cope with the fact that I’m not his exclusively anymore. Tough toenails, dude.

Anyway, we talked for a couple hours then we went to go eat. I suggested pasta – so he drove to Carrabba’s. Pretty fancy joint, no? He paid for 2/3 of the meal, which was very kind. I usually go there by myself a book, and the waitress who usually takes care of me waited on us. I always commented when I dine alone, “I swear I have friends. But most of them just annoy me or complain about money, so here I am.” So this time, I said “Look! I wasn’t lying!” ♥ Anyway, we did talk about that trampy bitch from Melbourne, and I think I summed it up very wisely:

“Think about how much more difficult she made this break-up for both of us. She made things absolutely awful for me by factoring jealousy & feelings of betrayal into the situation. She is taking advantage of your kindness and willingless that is a result of your vulnerability right now. I don’t say this about many women because of my feminist beliefs, but, Matt, face it: this one is a real bitch.”

And of course, in every conversation we’ve had since we met seven years ago, there were dashes of extremely witty innuendo. Both of us have sex drives revving like a Durango95 and always have, so I did tell him that the sex the other night pwnd. We went back to his house and napped for an hour or so. He let me hog the good pillows, and covered me up while I was sleeping. Of course, we did end up doing it again. Homeboy was really complimentary, as usual about everything.

Unfortunately, his non-rent paying roommate & shitty shit friend Alex called and said he’d be home within the hour, so we were on a time limit. Of course, I didn’t want the absolute king of the rumor mill to know what was going on. However, right as we were getting dressed, his friend Chris came home. He also came home the other night & heard what was going on. Luckily, he is being cool & keeping it on the DL. It’s still awkward leaving…

Matt & I are going to start planning & sketching the design for the Judge Dredd costumes we are making for next February’s Megacon. Perhaps this will help him think creatively again and give him something positive to look foward to and create.

So after that whole ordeal, I left went straight over to MySpace boy’s house (he had called while I was napping). I smelled like I had just run a marathon, but luckily I had Chanel perfume in my car’s glove compartment. MySpace boy actually remarked: “Damn, girl. You always smell so good! What is that about!” I felt a little bad, so I invited him to see Less Than Jake with me Wednesday.

4 thoughts on “so it goes.

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