i got up early for nothing today! i was supposed to go to church with my gramma, but the car locked itself with the keys inside. oh well. that’s just my luck.

friday night me and matty were gonna go see “spiderman”, but plans fell through. instead, i ended up freaking out and collapsed into a heaping, sobbing mess on matty’s chest. i told him all about how it’s so difficult for me to tell him things. he was all annoyed because he knows i don’t want any friends, and was like “why don’t you want friends? what is the problem? why don’t you try to be friendly and meet people?” and it just tore me apart. after an hour of that, he told me i was cute and we went to steak n’ shake. i think he understands better what’s wrong with me. why i’m sad for no reason sometimes. why i avoid people. i just think he knows what it’s like to have something like this happen to you…twice in three years. it’s not something you can just “get over”. it scars you for a long time. i’m still not completely over the first time. perhaps in a few years.

saturday i worked, and a party of fifteen came in. then my sister and dad called and were broke down in deland, about an hour away. i had planned to go thrifting for my summer wardrobe, so it kinda pissed me off. i went and got them, and i still had enough time to go shopping after.

you love it.

then matty called me, which was amazing. i think he did listen to me on friday, and understands that it’s not his fault why i’m so angry. i really don’t mean to take things out on him. i hate myself for it. i just can’t help it. well anyways, he said jay and everyone was going to go fishing on the beach, and if i would like to come along. so i drove to jay’s but no one was there, so i went to matt’s. we just hung out for a while, and notting hill was on. i ate leftover taco bell and we spent time together.

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