i had a birthday on the fourteenth! i am now seventeen. everyone asks me if it feels any different being seventeen. it sure as hell does. i can now read seventeen magazine without feeling guilty. i can see r-rated movies. but really, i terms of what i can do it’s the same. i just feel…so much more mature. so much more organized. things are going to be better at 17. much better than 15 or 16.

last tuesday, i went to the mall and barnes and noble with billie and evan. what else is new. but i was bored, so i called billie and we decided to hang out. our moms never believe we actually go to b&n.

i almost wore my striped shirt, too. but i wore my jack skellington shirt. billie almost wore her sally shirt i gave her.

proof that we do, sadly enough, go to b&n. a bunch of “big girls” were camped out hogging all the chairs in the eating place.

too cute outside. it’s not fair.

so we went to the mall also, felt like a mallrat, that i did. it’s not like we actually do anything at the mall…but for lack of something better to do in this mullet – infested area, it serves its purpose: to keep rowdy kids contained.

evan told her to act like she was, ya know, with ronald. leave it to evan to push it a bit too far. ew.

matt is being nicer lately, possibly because it’s my birthday. he tried to call me thursday to hang out, but i spent the night at billie’s and my dad was tying up the line. i sort of felt bad. but we did hang out on my birthday, and he got me lovely presents. he got me a lip service corset, the one with two zippers and a lace up in the front. he also got me the book by kevyn aucoinmaking faces, something right off my amazon wish list. i got all sorts of girly things for my birthday it seems! i got a makeup mirror, too. i guess my parents are trying to tell me something.

i still feel weird around matty, ever since he told me those things over a week ago. it’s hard to explain. like no matter what i do, i’ll still have this thought in the back of my brain, this thought that i can’t be good enough. it makes my stomach hurt.

saturday we went to the orlando mall. i spent all my birthday money, but got a few new shirts. i got a shirt and some panties at hot topic, a cheap looking new bra/underoo set at frederick’s, a new shirt at victoria’s, a new purse at penny’s, and makeup from sephora’s. i’m sure there’s other things, but i forgot. but i have red eyeshadow now. it was fun. i like being seventeen.

if i must drive the ’89 van, i have to make it look like me.

i got my dad the matrix on dvd for father’s day. heh, i like it too.

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