outta me

i was bored silly this morning. i wish i had some faerie wings.

my ridiculous new dress that i bought last night.

today was nice. jenn elliott and i hung out. my sister gave me a ride to her house, then we caught the bus to the mall. we could just sit and talk while on the bus (if it wasn’t for this really scary old lady). and we just sat and talked in the food court. i think we should write a book about how horrid men really are. we caught up on some things. i’m glad. and me and her and caitlin might hang out, even becky.

i am feeling really depressed, and i’m listening to bikini kill. this song says more to me right now than anything.

Outta Me

It’s about being in love
It’s about being in hate
It’s about not wanting to miss you
It’s about wanting you dead

Push the walls open
I wanna see my memories bleed
No, I don’t remember you ever loving me
I think that was your fucking fantasy

I think you want everything

Push the walls open
I wanna see my memories bleed
No, I cant remember you ever loving me
I remember the back of your head
Leaving

And now i am quite sure
You want everything
Outta me

i wrote a new poem. i’m not going to explain what i’m thinking. because even i don’t know. i don’t know how to react. i don’t know what do to or who to be. i want to know where i went wrong. what’s wrong with me. what’s wrong with my appearance. i wonder what’s right with me and if i have a mind to go with it.

i need a girlfriend that will listen to me. i need a true girlfriend to listen and care. i need people that will be my true friends without abusing my emotions and feelings. when is it my turn to not be used for someone’s gain? i need respect.

…but i need and need but i never give.

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