The only men that are interested in me are bhopelessly ugly/b nerds. Officially, I’ve had twenty chasing me around at any given point in my life. At the guitar store yesterday, the cute Weezer-esque boy was shooting me bitchy looks as the Napoleon Dynamite of Danelectro was chatting me up. Why, oh why must they all be uglies?
In my fantasy world, this is how it plays out:
Poseur1039: Hello, Brenna! I love Star Wars and cosplay. I also like giving you head more than anything in the whole world, and am majoring in architecture.
PandoraLydia: LOL why cant it be true
Poseur1039: “What’s up, Brenna? Man, you look so awesome today! Just thought I’d let you know I would love to just soak in the tub with you and stare at you because you are SOOOO pretty. I also like Star Wars. Let’s roleplay as Leia and Chewbacca.”
PandoraLydia: Dude whats up with his chest? looks like liquify tool or something. His abs are like the Dali melting clocks? is that normal?
Poseur1039: Yeah, it’s the angle.
Poseur1039: “Hey, Brenna. Do you think I could borrow a pencil from you? Actually, it’s just an excuse for you to lean over so I can see your boobs because not only do I love your body, your mind is so amazing, too. Can I show you my penis? I also like sitting at home stuffing my face with MM’s, watching Scrubs and the Alien Quadrilogy, if you’d rather do that.”
PandoraLydia: LOL omg the briefs. just cracks me up every time.
Poseur1039: Last one:
Poseur1039: “Merry Christmas, Brenna! I got you this bottle, and a 2 carat diamond necklace, IF quality. Don’t worry about giving me anything, unless you’d like to just relax and let me give you head, as that’s rewarding enough for me. I also like early 80s punk, silent cinema, and Han shot first.”