hmm okay, i’ve been thinking.

after talking to 3 or 4 people, i’ve come to the conclusion that this is not my fault. i may be difficult at times, but nothing i’ve done deserves this. how quickly one forgets their fortune.

jamie’s having problems with carl. jake just got dumped by his girlfriend. i’m angry with matt. everyone’s relationships are deteriorating. ugh.

last night i visited billie because she had a pretty rough saturday. i brought her a frisco melt from steak n’ shake, because i know yummy food makes eveyone feel better. when i got there, we talked for a minute, then went to dairy queen and met evan there. we talked about everything, and i explained that that isn’t going to happen much anymore, and hasn’t for three weeks anyways. so they were like “it’s not that fun anyhow. and it’s too risky.” yeah. maybe so. i just don’t feel like it’s doing anything good for my emotions at this point.

but to a boy that doesn’t feel anything when he sees his supposed “most loved one” in tears, there’s something wrong. and i have a feeling i know what’s to blame. it’s not me, i know that. i’ve been assured. billie knows a lot about psychology and i told her everything that was upsetting me. she says it’s hardly me at all. hmm.

yet again, i am too hard on myself. it stresses me out, and it wasn’t even anything i did. well, i’m waiting. and me and jamie are going to be girls this weekend.

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