children and marriage.

i have a really pessimistic outlook on the future. i have a very negative opinion of families and i don’t know why.

the thought of ever getting pregnant makes me physically sick to my stomach. i have a really warped idea of pregnancy – that the man just gets in, gets out (and has the easy fun part of babymaking), and then the woman has to deal with it for nine months… and then 18 more years. i have this idea that as the woman gets pregnant, the husband will be disgusted by her appearance (more weight, stretch marks, sagging breasts) and move on to greener pastures. and as the woman gets older and has more children, the man will continue looking for younger, more attractive women with perkier features either out in the world or through other means. what if i like myself the way that i am? why is it a standard to have children and “selfish” if you don’t? it’s hard to explain…

the other day i was out to dinner with my parents and some of their friends, and they were discussing my cute niece and how my sister is doing so well with her (she’s a single mother). the next question of course, was “are you going to have children?”

i said “i haven’t decided that yet.” and the whole table goes “oh, you will, don’t be silly.” except this lady (the wife of my dad’s friend) who said “i tell my girls, these are your life decisions, and you should do what you’d like. nobody can make those decisions for you.” i want to be successful and have a challenging, high-powered career, and i don’t see children in that picture yet. i don’t think whoever i end up marrying (if at all) wants to be stay-at-home while wifey-poo makes the money.

don’t get me wrong, i love children. i love my niece and think she’s the most beautiful baby ever. but i like to visit with her, play and give her back. is it wrong to be 20 and still detest the thought of wham, bam, deal with it?

my family is very interesting —
– my uncle f. has a beautiful adopted daughter. she’s bright and outgoing.
– my aunt b. has an adorable adopted nine year old son. he’s a child model.
– my aunt v. never had children and she and my uncle s. live in this cute little house and keep themselves busy and seem just content with it. they like to visit with their nieces; we’re like their children they can spoil rotten and give back.
– my uncle d. has one daughter and i think he wanted more, but his current wife is not interested.

angelina jolie has two adopted children. why? because she feels she can give less fortunate children a better life. maybe it’s so she can continue her acting career without hold-ups. her figure is her biggest selling-point and if that were ruined, her acting career would end.

my boyfriend of five years wants a big family (like 3 or 4 kids, no adoptions). i want MAYBE one child, possibly adopted. why am i wasting my time in this relationship if there really isn’t a future here for me? i do NOT want puppies, i don’t have the nuturing personality or the patience for a litter of children. i have NEVER wanted a big family, ever since i can remember. and i am so sick of people asking me about children that i could punch heads in.

9 thoughts on “children and marriage.

  1. Ok.I understand exactly what you are saying. I have decided that I don’t want kids. I think at one time I did, but when I was like 13 and I just wanted kids so I could name them something ridiculous. But now I just know, that kids are not for me. Yes I am only 20 and that could change…because that is what most people tell me.”you’ll change your mind”, but honestly I just don’t have the patience or state of mind for children. I have two nephews and I have 3 nieces and a great niece. I don’t think we need anymore kids running around. My boyfriend and I were actually talking about this today, because he also doesn’t want children. But we were discussing how women with children generally think they are better than the women who don’t. I get that a lot, women say…”well you’ll understand once you have kids”, or “well how would you know you don’t have three kids”. I hate that so much. The fact that, people have a mind set where you are less of a woman if you don’t want to re procreate.

  2. i have lived with small children most of my life, and my job requires me to work with them every day. i love them to death, but i could never come home to one. when i come home, i like to lie around naked, read a book, not cook, not clean, and so on. i need to be selfish for at least a few hours every day! i think being selfish is very important.

  3. Yeah, I’m selfish. I’ve always known this. Mothering is not for me. I can do it and I’d probably be a wonderful mother, but, I just don’t want to. I think I had a conversation with your sister about it once.. I think I said something about kids making me depressed or something or other (okay it didnt sound as MORBID as that, I’m sure I said more and had a good reason for saying it) and she was like “hm I’d think it’d be the opposite of that” but really I feel as if kids are a way to end your hopes and dreams. That probably comes from reflection on my parents though.

    I don’t think I can personally be a successful career gal and mother someone at the same time. Women do it all the time, but I don’t want to compromise either one of those two. If I’m going to be a mother, I will put my heart and soul into it. But if I’m going to work, I will be a workaholic.

    Take my aunt O. for example, she has 4 boys. She was once a model. She gave up a potential career as a model in NYC for her husband and stayed and got married and had kids. At one time, I looked at her and shook my head when I saw her pictures. She had something going. But then I watched her with her beautiful children. She was MEANT to mother. I, however, am not. and I don’t want to be one of those women that just fell into it and had to “deal” with it and grew to love it. Not fair to anyone in the situation.

    And this is all coming from someone who could’ve been aborted or miscarried.. my mom had two abortions before me (the second one, we had to travel to the clinic and I didn’t know where we were at the time) and I don’t even want to guess how many miscarriages. lol I once said to her.. “Mom, it ISNT A FORM OF BIRTH CONTROL!” hahaha

    Anyway, I could go on. I’m glad you share my viewpoint though, and you are re thinking your relationship.. it’s good to think about the future. Really. I call it ambition.

    But yeah, I could go on forever, it scared me when I was with Ashley one day and me and Morgan mentioned something about not having kids ever and she goes “Just you wait.. once you hit 30.. your clock will catch up to you and you’ll want BABIES”

    That scared me. and I hate those women that turn 30 and are like “man I didn’t do anything with my life..I didn’t even have kids!” As if procreating makes you successful in life, anybody can fuck someone and get knocked up..having a successful career? maybe even a successful relationship? That’s my goal in life. oh, and not freaking out about turning 30. Even if it is 10 years away.

  4. I’m the same way when it comes to having kids. Sometimes having them just isn’t right for certain people. I had the misfortune of getting pregnant last year and the idea of having this thing inside of me, feeding off of me like a parasite made me want to hurt myself. It sounds fucked up but that’s just how I felt. Well I had an abortion and I still feel the same way about kids. Sometimes I wonder who my kid would have been but that’s the baggage you get from shit like that. I’m 23 years old and I can’t stand it when people tell me I’ll want kids and my mom wants me to have them just so she can have grandchildren. I think it’s pretty selfish to keep harassing me to get fucking pregnant. She’s not the one who will have to deal with it. If I ever want kids I’m going to adopt. I think the next time people start telling you that you’ll want kids and what they think you’ll want tell them to kiss your ass. that’s a life decision that no one else can make but you.

    As for your boyfriend, the only advice I can give is to stand firm and don’t give in to what he wants just to make him happy cause you’ll be miserable in the long run. It always sucks when you realize that someone you love wants something completely different than what you want. It’s not easy breaking up either. Just give it a lot of thought before you do anything major.

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